


It doesn't matter

by aerobesk



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerobesk/pseuds/aerobesk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don’t care what Tucker said. Tucker is stupid. Tucker doesn’t know what he’s talking about. (Caboose pov, maybe a tiny bit ooc, i don’t know)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It doesn't matter

 I’ve told you. I’ve told you once, twice, three times already. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

            I don’t care what Tucker said. Tucker is stupid. Tucker doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I wasn’t like a puppy. I wasn’t “depressed.” I didn’t break mirrors and slam my helmet into the wall until it broke.

            I didn’t cry. I didn’t run in circles with Wash, trying to take my mind off it. I didn’t run and run and run until I woke up in my bed, with Tucker standing over me telling me how I’d passed out from running to much.

            I didn’t avoid the reds. I didn’t hide in my room. I didn’t attempt to replace you with a giant robot that actually liked me. I didn’t try to be just like you and take over the team when they were down. I didn’t try to lead.

            I didn’t bond with Wash trying to forget you. I didn’t have moments of panic when I thought that you wouldn’t come back. I didn’t think about Blood Gulch, about Sheila and the base and you and just want to go home.

            I didn’t try to lead my team the way you would have. I didn’t try to be everything that you used to be. I didn’t think of myself as you, and I didn’t think of Lieutenant as myself.

            I didn’t go to Simmons when I was crying instead of Tucker because Tucker was busy. I didn’t sit with Grif in the mess hall and listen to him talk about Sergeant and the way he hated missing him. I didn’t try to eat away my sadness like he did.

            I didn’t go into battle thinking about being good enough to impress you. I didn’t fight next to Tucker thinking about how you should have been on my other side. I didn’t think about where you were, or what you were doing in the moment I almost got shot.

            I wasn’t frozen when I saw you. I didn’t want to reach out and hug you when you held your arms open. I wasn’t upset that Tucker tried to tackle you and got mad at you instead of being happy you were back.

            I wasn’t sad that you were gone. I’m not mad that you haven’t been around again. I’m not worried that you’re going to disappear again at anytime. And I’m not lying to you about any of this. Because Tucker is stupid, and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

            I’ve told you. I’ve told you once, twice, three times already. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.


End file.
